


How to Maintain a High Maintenance Warbler: Tips and Tricks and Trivia for the Care of Blaine [Redacted]

by Rrrowr



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, Humor, Light Dom/sub, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-19
Updated: 2012-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-02 05:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rrrowr/pseuds/Rrrowr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of getting a bird, Kurt gets Blaine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Maintain a High Maintenance Warbler: Tips and Tricks and Trivia for the Care of Blaine [Redacted]

**Author's Note:**

> This was written when we first met Blaine, around the time of Special Education. Before we had a last name or really any information on his character.

"Take care of him, Kurt," Wes said with a sort of mildly amused expression as he handed over a notebook labeled, _Manual_ , and a set of keys, which he explained were to Blaine's dorm room. "He will require diligent care and your dedication will reflect upon your relationship with the Warblers. Congratulations, Kurt."

And then he left Kurt there in the senior commons with his books and his manual and a new set of keys and _Blaine_ , who was now some sort of responsibility of his.

"Is this some kind of new guy hazing?" Kurt asked Blaine as he opened the cover of the notebook to see a print out of the senior schedule.

"Tradition," Blaine explained with a shrug that was entirely too casual for having just been handed over to Kurt in front of a room full of people. 

Kurt grimaced. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

Blaine rocked on his heels. "Try the manual," he suggested. "I've heard it's helpful."

Shaking his head, Kurt sighed but did as Blaine suggested. "It says you have calculus right now," he said and then looked at Blaine, who just wrapped his hand around the strap of his messenger and waited. "Well, go to calculus then. I'll see you at lunch."

Blaine smiled sweetly. "At lunch then."

*

Wes cornered Kurt as soon as classes let out for lunch. He made concerned come off incredibly pleasant. "Kurt, a word!" he called. "I just wanted to let you know that Blaine wasn't in his art history class this morning."

Kurt blinked. "Okay..."

Patient as ever, Wes said: "You might want to clarify with him that he needs to attend all his classes."

Blinking even more furiously, Kurt may have sputtered. "So I have to tell him to do everything?" he asked and then his mind leaped to a few horrifying conclusions. "What about eating? Or going to the bathroom? _Bathing?_ "

Wes clapped him on the shoulder in a way that felt supportive. "I suggest that your homework for tonight involve reading the manual." He squeezed Kurt's shoulder and said, "it's very helpful," in an entirely unhelpful way.

*

Blaine was standing next to the entrance for the cafeteria when Kurt got there. He didn't look any different than normal, not at all like the kind of guy that would just skip class because Kurt failed to tell him to attend it. Still, it was notable that when Kurt turned to look over his shoulder, expecting Blaine to have fallen in step with him, he was surprised to find that Blaine was still at the entrance, unperturbed by Kurt having swept past him but definitely not looking as if he was going to move any time soon. 

"Blaine!" Kurt snapped, feeling a sense of the ridiculous settle in him. "Come here."

Blaine did. At once.

"Do I have to choose your food for you too?" Kurt asked.

An incorrigible little head tilt to the side. "What does the manual say?"

Kurt was almost snarling as he opened the manual and flipped through an honest-to-god table of contents, past stick figures and charts, until he happened upon a section called _Feeding and Nutrition: the Healthy Guide to a Better Blaine._

It was hand written, like most of the manual seemed to be, and there was a list of allergies (thankfully short: peanuts, mushrooms, milk products?), preferences and dislikes. In a cheerful, looping script, there was:  
 _  
Do not serve whole milk with cereal -- lactose intolerance?  
Minimal carbohydrates at lunch -- makes sleepy  
Do not feed after 10pm -- will not eat breakfast following morning; poor disposition through the afternoon.  
Snacks permitted between classes and after practice provided they don't exceed 200 calories  
_  
And it just went on and on, tidbits and notes and a nutrition table that made suggestions on how to cover the entire food pyramid using the food items provided by the school. There was pink highlighting around the dishes that Blaine liked most. There were side notes in the margins around the charts and -- deeper in -- recipes taped into the pages with ingredient adjustments off to the side. 

"Wow," Kurt whispered, actually kind of awestruck at the kind of detail the manual went into, even if the spelling of some areas was atrocious and the organization kind of lacking around the start of the chapter.

Blaine made a thoughtful hum of agreement by Kurt's shoulder. "You should make a note," he said. "I can't eat the meatloaf here anymore." Kurt gave him a wild eyed look. "The new cook makes it dry and with mushrooms."

The serving area was sort of like a self-serve buffet, so Kurt could grab a couple trays and get two servings of everything (roast beef slices with shredded lettuce on wheat, side salad and an apple). Blaine trotted after him the whole time, helpful for once by carrying his tray when Kurt shoved it at him and only pulling a face when Kurt added on the extra tomato to the salad.

"They're good for you," Kurt said when he saw the grimace.

"They're cherry tomatoes," Blaine argued as they went to their table.

Kurt tapped Blaine's tray rather firmly and used the best parenting voice he knew: "You'll eat them and you'll like them."

Blaine's responding grin was brilliant. "Okay," he said. And he did.

Lunch was almost easy. They chatted in a familiar manner, even if the subject material was the first chapter in the manual ( _Start Here: Turning Your Blaine into a Dalton Academic_ ) and how that meant that Kurt only had to make sure Blaine knew his schedule and that he was to keep to it except in cases of illness, injury, family emergency or Warbler practice.

"How am I doing?" he asked as he gathered up his and Blaine's lunch plates. "Tell me honestly."

"You'll be better after you read the manual," Blaine answered promptly. "But you're doing fine."

Reassured, Kurt tucked the manual into his bag and led Blaine to the doors of the cafeteria. It was near class time. "You know which classes you'll be attending this afternoon?" he asked at the door; Blaine nodded. "You have all your materials? You've eaten enough?"

"Yes," Blaine answered. He seemed quietly happy with how things were going. Kurt thought it incredibly unfair for him to look that way when he was over here, kind of still freaking out over the whole thing.

"Go to your classes, then," Kurt said. "And find me afterward."

*

Once Kurt got through the manual, it was almost ridiculously easy for him to settle into a kind of routine. It was classes all day, Warbler practice on Tuesday and Friday, and homework in the evenings. It was Kurt dropping by Blaine's dorm room after class or after practice every day to check on him. It was him sometimes coming up behind Blaine and petting his fingers through his hair before saying: "When your homework's done, shower, then sleep. I'll see you for breakfast."

There were a few missteps during his steep learning curve, however. There was the time when Blaine arrived to breakfast in a set of pajamas and with his hair a wild mess of loose curls because Kurt hadn't checked on him beforehand. He'd had to drag Blaine all the way back to his dorm room as soon as they were done eating. Blaine was shoved into his Dalton uniform in record time and without thinking, Kurt had taken the comb from Blaine's hands and slicked back his hair into something more reasonable.

"There," he'd said at the time. "Tell me how it looks."

"Perfect," Blaine had answered and the small secret smile around his mouth twitched into something fuller. 

Then there'd been the time with the ice cream cake at the end of the first week. It had been a reward for himself for a job mostly well done. He'd successfully dealt with both his first week of school and this... this... _whatever_ this was with Blaine that wasn't quite hazing, but not entirely what they had been before either. It had been dinner time and they'd been going over the tunes for the song Blaine was going to use to audition for Regionals. Kurt had risen during one of their breaks and had found the last slice of it. When Kurt had brought it back to the table, Blaine had leaned in, licked his lips but had said nothing.

At the time, continuing to work on the song had been natural, even while Kurt was grabbing the ice cream that clung to his fork with his lips. And he'd watched as Blaine watched him and when Blaine seemed about to launch into his diatribe about the benefits of a two-step shuffle forcing the judges to grade them based on their voices, Kurt had gone: "Ah!" and gestured with a forkful of cake.

Blaine had seemed moody about the idea of being fed, eyes jerking this way and that for witnesses before wrapping his lips around cake and fork. Of course, because it'd been cake and ice cream, Blaine had gone soft as soon as he tasted it.

"Good, yeah?" Kurt had asked, pleased when Blaine had nodded fervently. He'd had another bite waiting for Blaine almost immediately. "Here."

At the time, it had seemed like a nice idea. Even if he'd ended up letting Blaine eat all but a few bites of what was supposed to be his reward cake, it'd seemed worth it to have a Blaine that seemed considerably more chirpy through the rest of the evening. (However. Ice cream acting the way it did with lactose intolerance, Blaine had ended up miserable all through breakfast the following morning and wouldn't eat anything.

*

_How to Maintain a High Maintenance Warbler: Tips, Tricks and Trivia for the Care of Blaine [Redacted]_ had chapters on almost everything Kurt could think of asking. 

Is Blaine sick? Chapter 3. _In Sickness and in Health: What to do When Your Blaine is Ill._

> _...review the meal intake for the previous 24 hours. It could be food poisoning.  
>  Note: Dalton Academy does free flu shots at the beginning of October, annually. Make an appt with Dr. Mankovski at ext5421 to avoid long waits.  
>  The school nurse can be reached at ext9236 -- headaches, stomach aches and lethargy..._  
> 

Has Blaine had a sudden resurgence in Buckeye pride? See chapter 6. _Jock-straps and Jerseys: The Reasoning Behind Blaine [Redacted]'s Love of Sport_

> _...Football season: August through January  
>  Scarlet and grey feature heavily during Casual Dress Days during this time. Do not engage in fight songs.  
>  Sculling Season: April to October  
>  Will require greater protein intake -- see chapter 1 -- and longer sleep periods -- see chapter 3..._  
> 

Wondering how Blaine gets that sweet, milky-white complexion? Check out Chapter 14! _Keeping Up Appearances: Hygiene and Haircare for Your Blaine._

> ...nightly 3 step routine of cleanser, toner and moisturizer. (Added sunscreen application in the morning during sculling season)  
>  ~~Likes the Japanese cherry blossom scented body butter~~ Maeks his skin too oily. Trying out something lighter in jasmine. Success! \o/...

A helpful list of emergency numbers was on the inside of the front cover of the notebook. (Family: ~~Mom~~ , ~~Dad~~ , Arthur. Close friends: Wes, David, Sam and then a series of blanks.) And then there was the the somewhat brutal looking exercise regimen in subsection of chapter 3, which a unruly scrawl said was for sculling season only.

> _...5am runs start in Fedruary. start with 1.5mi, 20p.u., & 20s.u. Make sure he eats at least 1/2 apple beforehand. Keep breakfast light after. Make sure he stretches. (Better if done with company!)..._  
> 

And then of course, there's the chapter on sex. Chapter 22. _Sex and Sexuality: Coitus and Inappropriate Conduct with Your Blaine_

> _Dude_ really _likes the cock._

*

"I'm surprised," Kurt started while he was waiting for Blaine to finish running through the choreography for his dance routine. Wes and David turned to him from where they're bent over sheets music. "Considering the reasons Blaine transferred to Dalton, shouldn't chapter twenty-two be longer?"

When they gave him an odd look and he tilted the Manual toward them. The sentence, written in the jagged scribble that so frequently held the best tips for Blaine's management, stared up from what was otherwise a blank page. Wes squinted and grabbed the manual, turning it around so that he could get a better look.

"Looks like Sam's handwriting," David commented. 

"Yeah, Evans was really good with Blaine," Wes agreed, nodding with a fond gleam in his eye. "I didn't know he added more chapters before he transferred though. That was nice of him."

" _Sam Evans?_ " Kurt asked, feeling incredulous because the idea was just not happening for him and then awkward as he actually pictured Sam lecturing Blaine on caloric intake, exercise regimens, and getting a consistent sleep schedule. He tapped menacingly at Sam's single comment on Blaine's sexuality. "Do I _want_ to know how he came about writing this then?"

"We don't actually know," replied David apologetically. "Though probably has something to do with the Buckeyes."

"Big fans," agreed Wes absently, having already returned the manual to Kurt's hands and gone back to the sheet music. 

And of course, it would be when Kurt was still trying to shove away the multitude of possibilities for how Sam came about writing chapter 22 that Blaine did his thank-you-see-you-next-week with their choreography senior and came back over. Kurt tried to picture them -- Sam's tall, lean, and blond figure elbow-to-elbow with the shorter Warbler soloist -- and... he was actually kind of glad Sam transferred out of Dalton, suddenly.

"Hey," greeted Blaine and he sank to the floor at Kurt's feet, tiredly tilting his head against Kurt's knee.

Kurt rubbed at the back of Blaine's neck until he felt the tension melt away. "We should probably get going. Shower and then bedtime?" he said and Blaine made a little noise that meant Kurt had the most awesome ideas. "I'll get our things."

It was a little ridiculous, Kurt thought, to be jealous of Sam's insights into Blaine's life -- of everyone's insights. How many Warblers had taken care of Blaine before him? Were they watching him, he wondered, and finding Kurt's care lacking? He supposed it didn't matter now, but it would be nice to know one way or the other.

Kurt turned from packing Blaine's books into his bag and saw Wes reaching over smooth back Blaine's hair. "You look happy," Wes was saying. "I take it our newest addition is doing well."

Blaine yawned and smiled in this sort of drowsy, pleased way. "Yeah," he said. "He's the best."

A warm feeling perfused through Kurt's chest. He couldn't keep the fondness off his face as he squeezed Blaine's shoulder to summon some kind of wakefulness in the older teen. "Ready?" he asked.

Blaine pushed himself to his feet, nodding to Wes and David. "Always."


End file.
